The One for the Single Ladies

this one’s for the single ladies.

no, wait. i see you rolling your eyes, shaking your head, backing away. you know where this is going, don’t you darling? you’ve heard it all before, a million times. you’re sick of being categorized, tired of being told who you are and how to fix it.

stay with me. because this one isn’t for “The Single Ladies, LLC,” a collective group of people who magically have the exact same thoughts, feelings, and problems due to their relationship status. no. this one is for you.

this one is for the women who go to work and come home to an empty apartment or a house full of roommates. the ones who try a new recipe on monday night and end up eating the leftovers for the next week. the women who sing loud in the car and shower, smile a lot, and go to bed feeling satisfied. the girls who have no problem doing homework, blaring music, taking a bubble bath, and going to bed alone. this one is for the women who truly love their life for exactly what it is right now.

this one is for the girls who have laid on a blanket on the lake superior beach, next to a boy and under the stars. this one is for the girls who thought that, maybe, just maybe, the songs playing on his phone weren’t an accident but a secret message. this one is for the girls who scooted a little closer, just a little, under that summer sky, thinking that maybe, just maybe, this could be something.

this one is for the ladies who truly love their lives 99% of the time, but then one day they’re singing loud in the car when they realize that there are tears streaming down their face. this one is for the women who have always believed they’re awesome, but are maybe starting to doubt it a little because no one else of consequence has seemed to believe it yet. this one is for the women who vacillate between sobbing for hours after every romantic comedy and cursing and throwing chocolate at the TV.

this one is for the women who will DECIMATE the next person, blog, book, poem or happy-Christian-instagram-post to tell them that they’ll only find a man when they’re 100% content in Christ. this one is for the ladies who ARE content in Christ, who have worn that purity ring and written those letters to their future husbands and guarded their hearts and done ALL OF THE THINGS that their youth pastors told them to, but haven’t gotten shit out of it. For the women who have never so much as had their hand held. For the girls who aren’t waiting anymore, because they were promised there would come an end to that wait but there hasn’t.

this one is for the girls who grew up with guy friends, and always imagined that one of those friendships would naturally turn perfectly into a When Harry Met Sally scenario, ending with love… but instead have found themselves in more of a My Best Friend’s Wedding scenario time and time again. For every girl who has been called a “sister in Christ,” “one of the guys,” or “the best friend.”

this one is for the ladies who have decided to be more bold, to take more risks. for the girls who got up all their courage and asked a boy out via text for a casual cup of coffee, only to be turned down in a 4-paragraph email; as though she had requested his hand in marriage and several cows from his father instead of a latte at a record store. for the ladies who laughed it off and kept moving, because the christian homeschool conservative subculture is a scary place and laughing is sometimes all you can do.

for the girls who joined okcupid for two days, but got creeped out and deleted all traces of their profile. for the girls who are still on okcupid. for the girls who burned their future husband journals, and the girls who still write in one every night. for the girls who fill their apartments with friends, week after week, because they want to cook and clean and be hostesses for someone other than themselves. for the girls who eat take out every night.

for the girls who have cried seventeen times this week, and for the girls who haven’t cried in years. for the girls who have gotten close, so close, only to realize they were wrong all along.

for the girls who know so acutely what it is to have a broken heart when there was never even a defined relationship, or to be broken by the same boy (or type of boy) over and over again. for the girls who go to the gym one night because maybe if they looked better….. but then eat an entire pizza the next night because “ANY MAN WHO LOVES ME WILL LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM.”

this one is for you, darling. you who read this and nodded at more than a few of the paragraphs. you who recognizes yourself in a little bit of each of these, because you recognize that “Single Lady” is not your label but just another bulletpoint on the list of beautiful things that make you, you. maybe even a sub-point, depending on the day.

this one is for you, who hasn’t found an easy answer. for you, who isn’t bitter or angry every day, who isn’t crippled by your singleness… but who would still really like to be loved someday, and to know when exactly that “someday” is going to bother to roll around.

this one is for you, and this one is for me, and this one is for every single one of us who are every single one of the girls i wrote about – depending on the day (or hour, let’s be real). there aren’t easy answers. there’s not a formula. this is not me promising you a boyfriend, or joy, or happiness. this is not me telling you to stop crying, or to look at the positives, or to be more content. this is just me seeing you.

this one is for you, because girl, i see you. i see the pain and the anger and the love and the longing. i see all of the things in your eyes and i know that sometimes, you just need someone to acknowledge that all of those things are in your eyes.

this one is for you, darling. come over if you have a minute, or if you need a minute. let’s talk about it, or not. let’s eat pasta and chocolate or pizza and ice cream or salad and grilled chicken. let’s cry over a cup of chai or a glass of wine, or scream and throw things. let’s talk about how much we love Jesus, or how we’re doubting right now. let’s watch a chick flick or pore over “hey girl” memes. let’s dream about our weddings or take sharpies to copies of The Knot. let’s pray, or not. let’s not make empty promises. let’s love where we are, except for when we don’t. let’s celebrate our souls and our worth in Christ and all the people who love us SO WELL even when they don’t know they’re doing it.

this one, it’s for you.

4 thoughts on “The One for the Single Ladies

  1. Thank you. Thank you for these words, and for every other word you’ve blogged here. I just sat and read every blog post. And so many of those words you’ve written were what I needed to hear tonight, what I need to keep hearing and keep learning. So, thank you.

  2. Thank you thank you thank you. Can I share just a bit of my story? Today I went for a run, not because I’m trying to be more attractive for “him” but because it was warm enough out to enjoy a run. Today I made a banging dinner for my roommate, and never thought about what it would be like to cook for my future husband. Today I helped with youth group because they need to know the love of a GREAT God. Today I remembered how desperately, hopelessly, totally and completely in love with the man Jesus. Today I’m 38, single and happy with my life. But tomorrow I might need some chocolate and peanut butter to deal with the man I’m crushing on, who doesn’t see me in that way. 🙂 But today, I have dove’s eyes set on the my One True Love.
    Thank you.

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