The One Where I Give Myself Awards


With my debate and student leadership days long behind me, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten any awards. As a Millennial, I require formal recognition and accolades at least once every few years. Otherwise, I will crumple into a pile of under-liked instagram posts, unseen achievements and half-finished Pinterest projects, and we can’t have that!

Without further ado, I proudly present the Adulting Awards Alyssa Gave Herself.

  • Finished Weekly Meal Prep With Time to Spare for a Shower! – sure, the shower was at 11:45 and I got to bed way too late and had to hit snooze 5 times this morning and was almost late for work, but still!
  • Killed the Spider in my Bathroom without Screaming! – although I may have gasped sharply and used more force than necessary.
  • Asked a Coworker to Hang Out Outside of Work; Did Not Have to Quit Job! – I did mentally compose notice when I did not receive a response within .000001 seconds, then realized the text had not yet sent. Good thing, because I really enjoy my job. 
  • More than 75% of Desk Succulents Still Alive! We won’t talk about the 25% that inexplicably shriveled and died.
  • Made It Through Gym Workout Without Headphones! Honorable Mention: managed not to fall off the elliptical while reading a magazine!
  • Gave Guest a Clean Towel! This was only because my mother helped unpack my new apartment and put the guest towels in a different place than my towels. Smart woman.
  • Wiped Down Stove and Counters with Real Cleaning Products! Not just a damp paper towel that I halfheartedly aimed at the counter while stirring splattering food.
  • Shook New Neighbor’s Hand for Appropriate Length of Time! Also pronounced my own name correctly and did not express my disappointment that they don’t have a dog.
  • Stopped After Two New Episodes of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Instead of Watching Entire Season in One Night! Okay, fine. Three. FINE. Four.
  • Participated in Group Work in Training, Die Not Die! Also did not kill anyone. 
  • Did Not Laugh at NPR Report on US Naval Base in Djibouti!
  • Convinced Blog Readers that I Did Not Laugh at NPR Report on US Naval Base in Djibouti! Of course I didn’t! Not all the way to work! Djibouti! Hee.
  • Blogged for the First Time in Months Without Putting Three Days Into a Post! Maybe it’ll become a trend.

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